Touched forever
by rain aoi ame
Summary: It still amuses me why everytime I look at you, time stops for me…


Touched forever  
  
By: rain  
  
At the mountain of Reikaku. Mt. Reikaku...  
  
It's where I first saw a girl like you... a girl wearing a weird, russet dress. With two red ribbons on both sides that I commented, looks like big cups of siomai. It's where I ventured to have my revenge and caught myself come across you... It's where I had grown up and learned how to become a bitter and a fierce- hearted bandit with no comprehension about anything expect Sake and pleasurable fighting, and as well, it is where someone taught me how to struggle for life and made me progress...  
  
This girl who I didn't even think would cause so many changes in my life just at that innermost top of Mt. Reikaku, to where I was to burn the entire palace Iking stole from me and took you as my prize to get the good stuff, but I never imagined that taking you was taking in something that marked the beginning of my life...  
  
It's where I vowed upon the graves of my mother and sisters to hate women from that day on, from that day when they all left me, I said, wait for me, I shouted at them but they said, "You have to go on Gen-Chan, you still have to find her..." I wanted wings you know! To catch up with the only persons I considered my family, my own, real family that I never got the chance to show how much I cared.  
  
After that incident, I faced the whole world with a hidden heart, a frozen soul, a guy filled with forgery, pretending I can still stand with my own two feet, pretending I am strong... I buried them one by one, with my own two hands, I didn't ask for any help for I was scared to let the other fellows see me crying, I guess it was pride, I was always the one they were all afraid of, and of course, seeing me with foolish tears would show them the coward I really was. Indeed, you can call me the 'empty shell'. Outside I am tough, inside, I'm not even close to it.  
  
I never considered myself as a genuine person from that day on, for I have neglected myself from understanding what human nature is... "You still have to find her..." those words piercing my ear, that verdict echoing, wounding me all the time, what the hell are they talking about huh?! Find who?! Damn it! But now...I finally know...and I'm glad it happened...I'm glad for that blessed day when my eyes reflected your face...  
  
It had marked my soul since that day where and when I stepped down to that place and it made my system spin like crazy with something I don't know. When I saw you, a burst of enchantment circled inside me, damn it! What's this heat inside making my heart rave from passion?! Kuso! What's this strange feeling?!?  
  
I had never felt my nerves raise so high every time your body gets closer to mine, I drifted it off thinking it was just a silly effect of too much wine. I was never so good in understanding about such things I hated like attraction...and the form of attraction to this word called love...love was just another ridiculous crap that causes trouble and nothing more, but that was before... when I saw your face, It made me stunned, the sight of your magnificent beauty cascaded deeply into my soul and when you smiled, everything seemed ultimate. It was a dream come true.  
  
You, just by being there, laughing, eating all the food, smiling at me, made my mornings filled with rainbows and color. Just by being the girl we are to serve, just by that, something, I knew it, something had happened... I was no longer the old bandit you met that night but a newly-reformed guy who would offer his life at stake just to see you happy. At times of great battle with our rivaling country, my body would moved automatically, my every soul, my every heartbeat reacting in a fuss, struggling to save you away from those dark-hearted traps, before I knew it, I almost died at the thought of you in harm, before I knew it, I was falling for you...  
  
Affection, I understand it. Dreams, I have only one. I want to protect you, shield you from everything that bitter fate may offer. And now, I don't want to make the same mistake I did before, not letting the person know how much I care for her, not just now, no, not just to you. You mean something to me...I mean, you're important, I didn't understand why I changed, I used to be disgusted by every single girl before you know...they were like chariots from hell, a monster that would eat me alive...but I would always find myself staring at you nonchalantly and when Nuriko whispers 'Tasuki, she might melt' I would feel my whole body covered with robust embarrassment. When did it happen? Was I just so naïve to notice it or I was just too busy looking at your pretty face that before I could even see it coming, it was already too late... I was madly-inlove...  
  
It's the very first time, the very first time that every single moment that my eyes meet yours a voice would whisper how much I imagined you here in my arms, even just for a day, even just for a spark of time. I even found myself humming love songs and making poems for you... and you may laugh at it, I even daydream of you quite often in our little wedding, dressed in a white, silken gown. I guess it really is true. Tasuki is in love. You are the girl I've been praying for in my whole life...  
  
When the moon weeps its shadows in the dark, I would see your face amidst the fearsome night and then a light would shine into me. My soul ached for your touch. I realized even more how I have changed, because I found myself craving for you. Craving to be with you. I don't even want any day go by without seeing your fragile face; I want to show you the new person you made in me, not the cold and insensitive façade you made yourself believe. Because even bandits, have feelings...  
  
Feelings... I say it again, it wounds my head and I shout it out loud but can you hear it? How could I tell you? How could I just?... now that you had convinced yourself that I'm just another ordinary, foul-mouthed brigand who despises women, how could I just tell you knowing I should just be a protector, a server below your feet and nothing more, how could I just tell you if you love someone else?...  
  
It's a piece of hell! It's undeniably painful you know...but your spirited eyes told me that everything is okay and so, I continue what I do, trying so damn hard to hide...hiding my hopes about you and me... hehe, 'you and me' huh?! I laughed at myself, there could never be a 'you and me'...  
  
It still amuses me why everytime I look at you, time stops for me... Humorous it is how you make me forget where I am, who I am just by your smile. The whole world just sinks down at me and I didn't want wake in my fantasy. Are you a fantasy? A girl who eats twice her size, a girl who teases me. A fantasy... Even your faults had made me admire you more...  
  
I remember the incident in the lake, you were devoured by the rustling stream and I without thinking vigorously dove in to rescue you, thinking about nothing but to save you and when I had you in my arms, I looked at you. Everything in your face seemed like a tempting sin, and I just couldn't help but wish you were mine instead of him... and clearly, I remember what I did after that, my very first... I still imagine the touch left within me, the softest lips... Chichiri saw me and I just couldn't help but to blush, for what I gave her was more than just a kiss of life, I felt my emotions raise I almost didn't want to let her go...but that was just a stolen moment, you never felt it...  
  
You are so childish! You still like water lilies at Hotohori's pool which you noted, "Secret Garden" I don't know why you called it a garden when all I can see is your reflection, an image of a girl renowned as our priestess from another dimension destined to bring forth to our world the gift of the Susaku, but for me, you are the girl I, we are destined to protect and...love...  
  
Unsullied, clean water forbidden from everyone to touch well, of course except you...we all know how Hotohori took over you. And I know he is still, up until now, hooked by you...I don't blame him. I know why without knowing how. Actually the fact that lies in here is that, any person who would know you would surely fall for you...that's for sure.  
  
A little curve, a curve I haven't done for more than 5 years, those five, long, heart-frozen years I stayed all alone venturing in the cold fiery mountain, making myself believe I was the strongest bandit ever! But destiny hit me pretty hard... I smile as you hold your little puffy pink dress and hop like a child playing down the bridge. I wish I could...  
  
I lay my back on this Sakura tree, this tall, pinked-petaled tree, the only one here in Konan watching a figure, a fairy dancing in thin, sweet air and it started to drizzle. Stk, I told you not to let yourself get wet. I know you won't listen again; you're always like that! Always with your hard-headed attitude I admire...I...  
  
Little vapors outline at the top of the pond and it made the peonies that Chichiri planted echo in aroma. A sensation of slightly warm and wintry, mixed dew and sunlight like your sweet scent... Early morning, a wonderful future is pictured in your hands and just by looking at you, I'm sure that the stars would envy you and the rain gets a little harder. Sweet rain pours on you; your long russet loose hair falls down at your little outfit, which makes it more beautiful. But no, it makes no difference, you are always beautiful and no matter what happens to you, I know you would always be that, beautiful.  
  
Your bangs sweep your face and dewdrops fall on your pink-fainted cheeks down to your cherry, heart-shaped lips. Hep, it' really odd how fate works for me, but if it was, I'd called it perfect destiny, you know why? Well, let me tell you this...I could just...I could just...shout and say, of all the things I've ever done, finding you seems to be the most important one...hehe...I'm saying these huh?! I can't believe it...  
  
Baka... I told you to go inside now. You tread your weight softly as I watch you tiptoeing yourself between the stones situated at the middle of the boulders. Soaring cherry petals surround you as you skip still; you're really enjoying rain huh? Playing with the lilies, emerald just like your eyes and now dear rain made your dress absorbed your body, and Gods, look at you, you haven't change a bit. Your figure is still what I call, heaven. I can't believe I'm watching a deity playing with the water, playing like a gentle, sweet, innocent child without any worries, with glowing spirited eyes...  
  
Before you came, everything used to come in just one word- pale. It doesn't matter if I wake up or if I eat, all I did back then was to use my "Killer looks and dashing strength" and burn every annoyance in front me, but... now, you taught me life has to be participated, life is too short and life wants reasons. I fight for a motive, we all fight for one reason, and that reason is you...your slender shape can tell how matured you have grown for the years as your hands swift through and I just can't speak any word for what I'm seeing is greater than any wonderful vision.  
  
You made this mere dewpond into a fantasyland and I know only you could do that. I know up until the day is through, from when it's morning the sun rises up to the sky to the end of the sun setting down, I know you would still make all the people here and in there happy just by your little actions. How can I thank Susaku for bringing up such a treasure into our lives? I wasn't worthy enough, not deserving enough to have an honor to be with you and protect you...if by my amend, I would want to protect you as long as the rain falls and never ever stop even...  
  
You raised your hands up in the skies and ran, running and stepping still between the boulder and the stones craved in the middle of the poolside. I wish to wipe those raindrops in your cheeks...I wish to hold you near... here close to me... pretending I'm the one you love... And Tamahome calls for you and you pick your sunny-pink dress and started to go away, drifting like a feather without my grasp of touch. And you left, leaving me behind...  
  
I know I can't... I know you can never ever hear me whispering your name and even if I yell, even how much I try to reach you, even if my eyes cry, I can never ever... touch you again...  
  
I watch you running sweetly and before you continued to go inside, you looked back at the same direction where I was, behind this tree, your eyes fixed to my place as if you are looking at me and you smiled and it was then I knew...you felt me...thank you...thank you for still remembering me...and one tear fell...as you shed one tear too, no... I reach up to ease them but it's too late you're already gone...I breathe and sighed and I know, I know it's my fate...and I accept it. I'm honored, happy that I can still see you, watch you and protect you, still can gently imagine I could kiss you when you angelically sleep with tamahome, still even that now...  
  
It was by the road in Heiku... through my last breath, I still don't regret anything. Everything that happened to me was because of you... you who I abducted one fateful day...I reach to wipe your tears, those eyes who made everything I am today, and seeing them cry hurted even more than the injury I had received. I wanted to give you everything... I don't want to wind back time, because I found my purpose in life...and even if I have to offer my life to you a thousand time, I'll surrender ...to you that I have loved and will still love. I will never regret that day when destiny paved the way for us to convene, that day when I found you...  
  
at Mt. Reikaku...  
  
Miaka...  
  
wo ai ni...  
  
Zutto... 


End file.
